Chicago: The Post-Traumatic Stress that comes with Living in this City

Beautiful Chicago...

This year there have been 2,271 shooting victims in the city of Chicago

A place where on a summer day, even the ocean would envy our lake. Where the food is amazing, with a skyline that could make the poorest person feel rich. But beautiful Chicago is a tale of two cities. There is Chicago which is reserved for tourists and those who can afford to never have to cross certain city grids. Then there is SHITcago. Where the rest of us dwell…

Where there is socioeconomic hodgepodge. Where you can have a mansion blocks away from low income projects. Where there is life, death, beauty, and the ugliest of humanity all co-habitating like one big dysfunctional family. Living here is like loving an abuser. No matter who you are, how much you care or give, you will always end up hurt in some way shape or form (be it the violence, political corruption, and/or medieval ass taxes imposed by our feudal Lord Rahmpoleon and his Great King, Rauner).

(Me) Seated next to Senator Carol Mosely Braun at 2011 Mayoral Debates

Funny thing is, I remember when I was a panelist for the 2011 Mayoral debates at DuSable Museum. I remember leaving feeling so sad because I knew he would win and I knew he didn't give a fuck about poor people (especially the black ones). He didn't have any answers then and he still doesn't now. None of the high royal court of the City of Chicago do, nor do they care to. No telling how many of them might have stock in the prison industry and are simply lining their pockets with money generated from the blood that fills our streets. They pretend to care when the cameras are rolling, but I can look into their eyes and hear what isn’t being said. It's loud, and it's always the same, ‘why should I care when y'all don’t even care about your damn selves’. Neither do our own self-proclaimed ‘leaders’ (and please believe I am using that term quite loosely). I mean, I live about 2.5 miles from Jesse Jackson Sr.'s house, could show it to you, yet still have to worry about the crossfire on my side of the street.

You all know I'm very vocal about how much #BlackLivesMatter but fuck, it's so frustrating when black lives don't matter to other black people. And although Black on Black violence is a separate issue, its so hard to mentally split between the two when it seems like you just can't win either way.



 
What’s harder to digest is that many of us and our parents generation know this was all part of Mayor Richard J. Daley's plan to 'take the city back'. 'They' were tired of the commute from the suburbs. Tired of us squandering this prime real estate along the lake. So a decision was made to take back the city many years ago. One aspect was to make it a financial strain for poor people to stay (tax hikes) forcing them out. Another was to change the dynamic of our environments causing self-sabotage within our own communities. They knew what the fuck they were doing when they tore those projects down. It was timed up until the exact moment. Then incentivized  subsidized housing for landlords in stable black communities to de-stabilize these communities. And its been working perfectly, with our own people playing into it so well.

 Now let me be clear, in no way am I saying all people who are low-income or receive subsidized housing are to blame. However, I AM pointing out the correlation of violence in UNDER RESOURCED communities. Under resourced or closed schools ( compliments of your Mayor), under resourced businesses and employment opportunities in our communities, under resourced access to mental health facilities, parenting programs, grocery stores, etc. etc. etc. I AM pointing out the predisposition of certain activity that some people of under resourced communities are more likely to engage in. Violence being paramount.



As a teenager I watched my neighbor Tommy get shot in the head right before Christmas. 3 weeks ago I saw my neighbor lying in his own blood after being shot multiple times at 10:00am on my way to work. Last week, I could have lost my sister on her birthday when the restaurant she was in was shot up. I have seen so much death, so many people shot and killed in my life that it would make you cringe at how numb I have become. But today, having to hold my 10 year old son as he cried seeing his first homicide hurt. That is an image that no matter how much love, nurturing and support I give, can erase. And its FUCKED UP. So please understand when I write, I am writing from my soul. I say the things that aren’t pretty because 10 years from now people will need to know the truth and it won’t be in the history books.

While I am usually very much for my people, I am not there right now. I am not feeling positive. In this moment I am not giving a shit about all the factors that afflict our crime infested communities because at the end of the day we all have choices to make. They may be hard but they are choices nonetheless. I am angry and hurt. I am tired. I am beginning to feel that some people are just too far gone and I wish they would all drop dead so the rest of us could live (literally). 

So Fuck these zombie ass motherfuckers. Fuck these assholes who don't give a fuck about anything or anyone. Fuck these nothing ass motherfuckers who will shoot someone right next door to a daycare while people are picking up their children on 72nd and Exchange. Fuck all these already dead ass motherfuckers who just the other night shot a baby, the mother, and grandmother on 53rd and Aberdeen. Fuck these simp ass legislators and their lax efforts on gun control. Fuck these nothing ass negligent mothers and deadbeat dads who have these young people out here hurt and acting like this in the first place. Fuck this stupid ass genocide drone music that amps them up to act out this stupid shit. Fuck these fake ass pastors and politicians who do nothing, but had issue with Spike Lee shedding light on this shit that we live EVERYDAY. Fuck Rahm Emmanuel for faking to care. Fuck Garry F. McCarthy for making my civilian ass feel like I could do a better job as Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department.

Fuck Beautiful Chicago and the people who are oblivious to how ugly it really is.