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| My son and I in our matching green glasses |
Ah yes, Mother’s Day. The day we are all supposed to pretend like homemade cards, hugs, and smiles will make up for the other 364 days when we are literally pulling our hair out. I know I’m breaking the unwritten rule of not acting like motherhood is the ‘greatest gift ever’ today, but I have to be honest. Mother’s Day is usually one of the hardest holidays for me. It makes me incredibly sad and frustrated. I have to fight to give good face when I really want to tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alone because right now, I’m in the trenches of motherhood and this shit is a fight everyday.
Now don’t get me wrong, I love my son immensely, but I am a
single mother and it pisses me off. I don’t regret having my son, but sometimes
I wish it was with someone else. I get so tired of having to mastermind how I
will provide for my child every month without any regular financial assistance
from his father (just to lighten the load a bit). This is not a 'bash him' fest, this is simply what this day reminds me of. Mother’s day reminds me of
what a struggle parenting can be. I’m a
mom who can’t stand Mother’s Day and that’s really fucked up.
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| My amazingly supportive sister and son at my Graduation (2011) |
Now I understand how terrible this may sound, but there are
certain things I really miss that I won’t be able to do or have again until my
child is much older. I miss being able to just hop on a plane and travel at the
drop of dime. I miss being able to come and go wherever I want, whenever I
want. I hate not having the time or resources to do certain basic things for
myself and I get tired of spending countless hours doing homework with a child
who never turns it in. These things may seem trivial but they are the kind of
things that over years can wear on you.
So to those of you Mother’s out there [single or married]
who may be going through similar emotions on Mother's Day about being a mother (but it's taboo to speak about without being made to feel like a horrible person). I understand.
Sometimes you don’t feel like smiling, sometimes your children can take you to
a place that makes you not want to be a mom, but you still do what you have to.
You still give love, show support, and take care of all of their needs with or
without assistance because that’s what being a mom is. It’s the one job you
never have the luxury of quitting and that is why we commend each other. That
is why we support one another and that is why we celebrate.
This day isn’t just rough on us though. It can be rough for
others as well. To the women who may have miscarried or lost a child, I know
this day is hard for you, but Happy Mother’s Day. To the women who have never
given birth, but have helped raise someone else’s child, you too are a mother,
and have dealt with the same crap, so Happy Mother’s Day to you. To the aunts
and godmothers who are always there when we are at the brink of sanity with
our children, THANK YOU and Happy Mother’s Day.
To the sibling who was forced to raise younger brothers and sisters
because of circumstance, Happy Mother’s day to you as well. I wish you ALL a
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY because you know how grueling this job can be and none of
you should feel like your efforts were ever in vain on this day.
Today, I think
of you all.
