Chicago: The Post-Traumatic Stress that comes with Living in this City

Beautiful Chicago...

This year there have been 2,271 shooting victims in the city of Chicago

A place where on a summer day, even the ocean would envy our lake. Where the food is amazing, with a skyline that could make the poorest person feel rich. But beautiful Chicago is a tale of two cities. There is Chicago which is reserved for tourists and those who can afford to never have to cross certain city grids. Then there is SHITcago. Where the rest of us dwell…

Where there is socioeconomic hodgepodge. Where you can have a mansion blocks away from low income projects. Where there is life, death, beauty, and the ugliest of humanity all co-habitating like one big dysfunctional family. Living here is like loving an abuser. No matter who you are, how much you care or give, you will always end up hurt in some way shape or form (be it the violence, political corruption, and/or medieval ass taxes imposed by our feudal Lord Rahmpoleon and his Great King, Rauner).

(Me) Seated next to Senator Carol Mosely Braun at 2011 Mayoral Debates

Funny thing is, I remember when I was a panelist for the 2011 Mayoral debates at DuSable Museum. I remember leaving feeling so sad because I knew he would win and I knew he didn't give a fuck about poor people (especially the black ones). He didn't have any answers then and he still doesn't now. None of the high royal court of the City of Chicago do, nor do they care to. No telling how many of them might have stock in the prison industry and are simply lining their pockets with money generated from the blood that fills our streets. They pretend to care when the cameras are rolling, but I can look into their eyes and hear what isn’t being said. It's loud, and it's always the same, ‘why should I care when y'all don’t even care about your damn selves’. Neither do our own self-proclaimed ‘leaders’ (and please believe I am using that term quite loosely). I mean, I live about 2.5 miles from Jesse Jackson Sr.'s house, could show it to you, yet still have to worry about the crossfire on my side of the street.

You all know I'm very vocal about how much #BlackLivesMatter but fuck, it's so frustrating when black lives don't matter to other black people. And although Black on Black violence is a separate issue, its so hard to mentally split between the two when it seems like you just can't win either way.



 
What’s harder to digest is that many of us and our parents generation know this was all part of Mayor Richard J. Daley's plan to 'take the city back'. 'They' were tired of the commute from the suburbs. Tired of us squandering this prime real estate along the lake. So a decision was made to take back the city many years ago. One aspect was to make it a financial strain for poor people to stay (tax hikes) forcing them out. Another was to change the dynamic of our environments causing self-sabotage within our own communities. They knew what the fuck they were doing when they tore those projects down. It was timed up until the exact moment. Then incentivized  subsidized housing for landlords in stable black communities to de-stabilize these communities. And its been working perfectly, with our own people playing into it so well.

 Now let me be clear, in no way am I saying all people who are low-income or receive subsidized housing are to blame. However, I AM pointing out the correlation of violence in UNDER RESOURCED communities. Under resourced or closed schools ( compliments of your Mayor), under resourced businesses and employment opportunities in our communities, under resourced access to mental health facilities, parenting programs, grocery stores, etc. etc. etc. I AM pointing out the predisposition of certain activity that some people of under resourced communities are more likely to engage in. Violence being paramount.



As a teenager I watched my neighbor Tommy get shot in the head right before Christmas. 3 weeks ago I saw my neighbor lying in his own blood after being shot multiple times at 10:00am on my way to work. Last week, I could have lost my sister on her birthday when the restaurant she was in was shot up. I have seen so much death, so many people shot and killed in my life that it would make you cringe at how numb I have become. But today, having to hold my 10 year old son as he cried seeing his first homicide hurt. That is an image that no matter how much love, nurturing and support I give, can erase. And its FUCKED UP. So please understand when I write, I am writing from my soul. I say the things that aren’t pretty because 10 years from now people will need to know the truth and it won’t be in the history books.

While I am usually very much for my people, I am not there right now. I am not feeling positive. In this moment I am not giving a shit about all the factors that afflict our crime infested communities because at the end of the day we all have choices to make. They may be hard but they are choices nonetheless. I am angry and hurt. I am tired. I am beginning to feel that some people are just too far gone and I wish they would all drop dead so the rest of us could live (literally). 

So Fuck these zombie ass motherfuckers. Fuck these assholes who don't give a fuck about anything or anyone. Fuck these nothing ass motherfuckers who will shoot someone right next door to a daycare while people are picking up their children on 72nd and Exchange. Fuck all these already dead ass motherfuckers who just the other night shot a baby, the mother, and grandmother on 53rd and Aberdeen. Fuck these simp ass legislators and their lax efforts on gun control. Fuck these nothing ass negligent mothers and deadbeat dads who have these young people out here hurt and acting like this in the first place. Fuck this stupid ass genocide drone music that amps them up to act out this stupid shit. Fuck these fake ass pastors and politicians who do nothing, but had issue with Spike Lee shedding light on this shit that we live EVERYDAY. Fuck Rahm Emmanuel for faking to care. Fuck Garry F. McCarthy for making my civilian ass feel like I could do a better job as Superintendent of the Chicago Police Department.

Fuck Beautiful Chicago and the people who are oblivious to how ugly it really is.

Africunts: The Ankara Edition

So recently there has been big debate on the 'innanet' about if it is possible for black people to be perpetrators of cultural appropriation (as it pertains to African aesthetics). The fact that there was even debate about this had me laughing my ass off (and trust, it’s a lot of ass)! There was a particular article where an African sister (Click Here for Article by Zipporah Gene) wrote of her annoyance with what she perceives; “violation is committed against us Africans — all under the guise of tribal fashion and connecting to The Motherland.”

This has to be the most ignorant and elitist shit I've heard in a long time.

So let me get this straight Ms. Gene, you have a problem with black women choosing to wear beautiful head wraps (versus those HORRIFIC satin bonnets)? Do Fulani earrings annoy you because in your mind black women should only wear bamboo earrings (at least 2 pair)? I bet that grinds your gears as well.  Those damn blacks and their fake asses, perpetrating African culture with their African blood. The nerve!

Thankfully, my African friends don't feel or treat me this way, but I have seen and been exposed to others who share the same sentiment as Ms. Gene. Some of these same skin bleaching Negropeans didn't have a problem when it was in style for black women to rock henna, bindi's, and look 'Indian', but let a black woman want to look more African... Oh no, can't let that ride. It's only when we embrace OUR OWN SHIT that anyone seems to have a problem with it (including some of our own brothers and sisters, which is sad ass hell). Where were the complaints about cultural appropriation when Beyoncé was dressed as an Elizabethan Queen or when brotha’s used to wear Asian inspired clothing and become Martial Arts Masters?

  “Yes, I know that African-inspired prints are poppin’ right now and many African designers have chosen to showcase certain styles to the global fashion scene, but it appears to me and my African friends that it’s been taken a step further”-Zipporah Gene

So damn what. When our ancestors were thrown in the bottoms of slave ships they were not separated by ethnic backgrounds, languages, or tribes. All of that became muddled once they reached the plantations. Then they were at risk of being killed for identifying with ANY particular group they came from. Few people of African descent in this country will ever be able to find out their EXACT African lineage, so the juxtapositioning of varying pieces of African anything is our right as well. There may very well be Fulani, Malinke, or Gabonese blood running through my veins in addition to the Yoruba that I already know of and identify with. Who knows. It is because of these factors, that no African person has the authority to validate or invalidate how black people choose to express themselves as it relates to anything African.

While this may come off as simply ‘aesthetics’, did it ever occur to some of you people who feel ‘violated’ that for many of us, incorporating African art, clothing, music, and belief systems gives us a better sense of self? For one second did it cross your mind that some people are actively living a culturally based lifestyle?

So WHAT if some folks are only being trendy and nothing more. 
  
There is a new wave of 'Say it Loud, I'm black and I'm proud' amongst young black people. This is one of the ways it is manifesting. Disdain and annoyance with African based pride doesn't surprise me. However, I am tired of fence-riding African people who one moment want to claim and reap all the benefits of 'black culture', then the next moment are looking down on black people who wish to connect with what their African counterparts already have. I understand the frustration when you see things being 'misappropriated'. There are certain things I see that bother me at times, but what are you doing to educate someone who clearly seeks and desires to know more?

Truth is, black people in this country are like Orphans who know who their mother is but still feel the disconnect. Many crave some type of connection no matter how minuscule. What is wrong with appreciating the beauty and acceptance of anything African? At the very least it is a reflection of feeling a little bit more connected to our ancestral origins (even if subconscious). If it's not YOUR thing that's cool. However, don't rag on individuals who are visually drawn to, appreciate, or feel some type of pride or connection to Africa and choose to express it in dress, mannerisms, thoughts, or beliefs.  Let them fucking be.

If society can accept someone with a penis saying that they are a woman, it should not be an issue or grievance for a person of African descent to accept other people of African descent wanting to express some type of connection to African anything. I think the bigger picture is the fact that people are starting to exhibit more pride and a desire to embrace African aesthetics. This is wonderful because for so long we were taught it was 'primitive', ugly, and undesirable.

“You take a cultural dress, mark or trait, with all its religious and historical connotations, dilute it, and bring it out for occasions when you want to look trendy”-Zipporah Gene

No. Actually that is what the famous designers that Ms. Gene spoke of do. We literally had every iota of African ANYTHING stomped out of our psyche and overall existence. Africans had colonialism, but still had culture, familial structures, their languages, and traditions intact. So native or first gen Africans don't get to judge this either. These 'expressions' and cravings for African trips, fashions, and art is the beginning of our healing as a people.

So… if my American born, Yoruba ass with an Egyptian name wears Fulani Earrings and dances Azonto, I have every right. If my girlfriend only wants to wear a headwrap every now and then because it makes her feel pretty, she has every right. If a brother likes to wear those dashiki print shirts he found at the corner store, he has every right. If your cousin's Grandmother ONLY wears one African outfit every February 28th at the Church Black History Celebration, she too has every right. No one has a right to tell ANY black person in America what part of African culture they should feel most connected to, choose to identify with, or how they are to express it. No one. The time will come when people are more educated and informed on the lineage, history, and cultural context of what they are doing. This is the beginning stage. Things are never perfect in the beginning of anything.

People of African descent can never appropriate what is already intrinsic and maybe some Africans don't get that. Maybe they only see the surface, the aesthetics, and for whatever reason it annoys them. However, it is not possible to culturally appropriate something that you are the natural descendant of, no matter how far removed. One can be ignorant to certain things and the proper context or application but even still, you can't appropriate something that is your birthright.

Mary Motherfucking Mitchell

Mary Mitchell of the Chicago Sun-Times ( Click here to see article)

 Yesterday, I was mortified to read an article by Chicago Sun-Times writer Mary Mitchell (who we will from now on refer to as Mary Motherfucking Mitchell because of the absolute audacity). In the article, she basically compared the rape of a woman to petty theft because that woman was a prostitute. Now my last open letter was written with love, this one not so much, because Mary Motherfucking Mitchell should have known better than to imply that because a woman may have ever been a prostitute (or being prostituted)  that she was incapable of being ‘raped’.

 Dear Mary Motherfucking Mitchell,

 RAPE is RAPE. Now say it with me… Rape is rape.

Before we begin, since you are not exactly clear on what rape is, let me help you out. Rape can happen to anyone (male or female). It is not age, race, or culturally specific. It IS a violation of the victim in a sexual manner.  It is not always sexual for the rapist. Sometimes, it is about overpowering or control for the rapist. It IS always sexual for the victim (which is how in some cases inanimate objects have been used to rape victims). Virgins and whores alike can be raped. All it takes for a rape to occur is the victim to refuse the rapist and they take ‘what they want’ anyway. Refusal can be verbal or physical. These are just the basics because somewhere along the line you never learned these things.

While there are a million scenarios of rape, I will give you 3 so that you have a better idea of what rape is *insert sarcastic tone*:

Rape Scenario 1:

If a girl has a boyfriend and they have sex all the time, but one particular time she doesn’t want to and he still forces himself on her. Guess what? That’s RAPE.

Rape Scenario 2: 

If a husband and wife are married for 25 years and she does not want to have sex and he forces himself on her. Guess whaaaat? That’s RAPE.

Rape Scenario 3:

And if a prostitute tells a man NO for WHATEVER reason, be it fiscal or otherwise, that too is rape Mary.

These are the reasons your argument is null and void.

“It’s tough to see this unidentified prostitute as a victim. And because this incident is being charged as a criminal sexual assault­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­--- when it's actually more like a theft of services--- it minimizes the act of rape”-Mary Mitchell

Newsflash, you’re wrong.

Unfortunately, when it comes to rape, there are levels to this shit. No two victims are the same. The circumstances under which the assault occurs should never negate the violation itself. I am perplexed at why you wouldn't understand that. If someone told you to do something that you had initially planned on doing (but changed your mind), then put a gun to your head and made you do it anyway, I'm guessing you'd still see it as your decision huh?

“But when you agree to meet a strange man in a strange place for the purpose of having sex for money, you are putting yourself at risk for harm”-Mary Mitchell

I’m sure you really felt yourself when you wrote that line. Like you were ‘telling it like it is’. Get the fuck out of here. What really blows me about you is how you arbitrarily just cast off the victim --- as if she was responsible in some way for being violated because of how you view her personally without considering if other factors were at play before you said that.

Are you aware that Chicago is one of the top 20 U.S cities for sex trafficking? Did you know that many pimps and traffickers use websites like backpage.com to prostitute children and women against their own volition? These people are hiding in plain sight everyday. Did it ever occur to you that the woman you judged so harshly might have been needing more help than criticism?

For you to insinuate that just because this woman may have prostituted previously therefore exempting the assailant of any wrong doing (at that level) is the absolute highest form of fuckery. There is so much information these days on sex trafficking and how a majority of those involved are not operating at-will regardless of how it may ‘appear’. Heaven forbid any young woman in that predicament looking for a way out reads that demeaning shitfuck of an article you wrote. It would literally kill someone's hope of any abusers involved being  held accountable. Thank God the investigating officers got the charges right (sans your skewed ass opinion).

While I am not the National Prostitute Spokesperson, I am a woman who is highly disturbed by your stance. One would think as a woman yourself, you’d be a bit more compassionate towards the predicament this young lady found herself in. One would think that as a journalist you might have attempted to scratched past the surface and see if there was more to this.

I am still so deeply saddened by your commentary as a ‘seasoned’ writer. You are clearly OUT of touch with the harsh realities and various crimes involving the sex trade within our very city ( not to mention your ideas and delivery are dusty and antiquated). Maybe the Sun-Times should hire me instead. At the very least I won't go telling rape victims they weren't raped. 

If you or someone you know is dealing with any type of sexual violations (past or present), here are some resources:

National Human Trafficking Resource Center

1.888.373.7888

The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN)

www.rainn.org

Chicago Alliance Against Sexual Exploitation

www.caase.org

Mary Mitchell of the Chicago Sun-Times